Fr. Tony opened the seminar with "So what are the questions you'd like to have answered today?" One joker in the front row, thinking a meeting about death needed an icebreaker, said, "There's half a chance I'm going to die someday. What are my options then?"

Fr. Tony discussed the theology of death and the pastoral concerns of caring for the family. Our culture denies death and emphasizes youth - looking and staying young. When TV does show death, it's peaceful, quiet, and far away...Unless, of course, they're glorifying blood and guts.

The secular custom is to take the body, dress it up and lay it out; to make it look alive or asleep: "Don't they look natural/asleep/good?"

Our faith tells us death is part of the natural process of living, that it's normal and connected to life. Although it can be sad, tragic even, it is not the ultimate end because we believe in life-beyond-death. Death is the moment of transition. It is when we go home to God.

But we do recognize the separation and loss. St. Paul warned about being clear about death, lest we act like those without faith.

Father Tony reminded us of the opportunities for prayer a death presents:

• Before or at death: to commend the dying to God's care - a simple and natural act.
• At the wake, beginning the procession of prayer; to watch and wait, as did the women who went to Jesus' tomb.
• At the funeral, where we pray for the person who died, commend them to God's care, grieve, be comforted by our faith, and reflect on the Paschal Mystery - Jesus' dying and rising saved us and we share His resurrection.
• At graveside: The liturgical procession, which used to be from the church into the adjacent cemetery now includes autos, but is still part of the continuing prayer of the Church.

Funerals, Father Tony said, are our opportunity to remember and honor a person. The custom is for there to be a eulogy, to speak well publicly about how they lived their life. That's good, and important, but the Church focuses on the person as a believer, a follower of Christ. Reflecting on their life of faith the Church looks to learn what they have to say to us about living our life in Christ, about living a compassionate, prayerful, kind, forgiving life.

Remembering that Jesus died and rose, St. Paul said that with Christ, through baptism, we are "united in life...reunited in death." We celebrate our physical death in Christ, to share in His resurrection. We see only the death, but faith tells us we will live again. The Church celebrates Feast Days of the Saints on the day of their death - their birth into new life.

While it is important to acknowledge and feel the loss, the wake and funeral should serve to strengthen us for our journey.

Historically, there were people who denied the resurrection of the body and consequently chose to destroy their body upon death. This caused the Church some concern and as a result cremation was not normally an acceptable practice. (Circumstances could make it OK, e.g. death due to a plague.)

Times change and the practice of cremation is now considered acceptable. The Church's preference is cremation as a burial option. They recommend holding the funeral with the body, then cremate, later interring the ashes appropriately. With the recent secular preference for direct cremation, there has recently been approval of saying the Funeral Mass without the draping of the pall.

It was noted that scattering ashes is not a reverent disposal of the body and that appropriateness is not a function of personal meaning for the deceased or the family. The issue: We are a symbolic people and use visual/auditory clues to communicate. The gesture of scattering signals "throwing away."

Father Tony told us that the Funeral Planning Ministry's mission is to assist in the celebration of the funeral, for family and friends and for the Church. The ministry presents a lot of options, leaving decisions concerning the degree of family involvement in the family's hands. Those who cannot participate will be respected.

It is a good idea to plan ahead and to do so all a family has to do is contact the parish.

Father Tony asked the wag, "Did we answer your questions?"  The answer: "Today showed Community of Saint Malachi members the wonderful options available to celebrate a loved one's passing into glory. Or to prepare for one's own. We were reminded of some theology, learned some practices, answered some questions, and got closer together as a Christian community, reminded that Jesus calls us home. Yes, we did."